My Rich Uncle's Fall

In the late 90s, my mother's youngest brother moved his family to Florida. My uncle was always the wheelin- and-dealin' type. One famous family story (that has only gotten more famous) is how he bought a pack of gum in kindergarten for 5 cents and then sold each piece in the pack to his friends at school for 5 cents each making a tidy profit. When he was 18, my uncle moved to California where he started a successful pool design and construction business. It was fifteen years later and in Florida he bought several used-car dealerships, proceeded to win awards for his business sense and generally got very, very wealthy.

At the high-point, my uncle owned a home appraised at 3 million dollars (including a screened in pool with color-lighted fountains, outdoor heaters to keep guests at parties warm in the cool Floridian winter nights, and no less than 6 TVs on his back porch to entertain the kids). He owned 8 different dirt bikes and motorcycles a trailer to haul them all to the track and to races in other cities, and a travel bus (like a traveling musician) so he, my aunt and his two kids would have a place to sleep when traveling. Of course, they could only travel to the bike races when they weren't skiing in Aspen or Vail or vacationing in Rome or Amsterdam.

After a time, he invited the entire family to move to Florida to work in his businesses- I say businesses because after a few years, he started actually financing the cars people wanted to buy on his lots. Then he began buying up apartment buildings and houses all along the Daytona Beach beach front- all his houses were 'beach-side' meaning 'sought-after' for renters and spring-breakers alike. He even started developing properties in PA and California, bringing old high school friends into the business as his 'on-site' guys. At one point, he had at least 60 people working for him in different capacities; handimen, rental office workers, car dealer office workers, car salesmen, accountants, tag and title workers, etc. My uncle- the Used Car Emperor needed a dependable court to help manage his extensive holdings and family fit the bill. 

So most of my family moved; my mother's other brother first, then my grandparents, then my mother and younger sister. They all moved south to the beautiful tropical climate- all except, as you may have guessed,  my other sister and me.

See, I had a life here in PA. I'd just graduated college (the first in my family to do so), had friends in the area and really believed that good things were just over the horizon for me. Plus, I disliked the idea of 'living off' another family member. There was just something in the way the family seemed beholden to my uncle that didn't seem right.

My uncle would often say things like, "Sure, I can help you out- you can work it off by detailing cars at the lot for a few hours", or "I gave her a few options and she just decided that she didn't want to go that direction, so I turned off her cell phone." It was all a little too... Godfather-ish... for me.

Not that my uncle didn't use his wealth for the benefit of his family as well- he bought my sister and I both cars when we really needed them, he'd have his mechanics fix the family's cars in Florida, give friends and family free places to stay when visiting the area- he was always happy to share some of what he earned with those he cared about. It was just that, to me, it seemed that the more often one dipped from that well of generosity, the more ensnared to the generosity one became.

Then, the crash.

About 2 years ago, the real estate bubble popped and everyone who'd been riding high on that hog, fell. My uncle lost everything- and therefore so did the rest of my family.

My grandparents re-financed a house they owned and then couldn't pay the mortgage. So the renter in that house- my mother- lost her home also when the house was put up for short-sale.

My uncle went from 60 plus employees to 1- my grandmother- who works without pay so she can keep her 'group' health insurance. My uncle lost his development business, his financing business and all his car lots except 1- he works there now as the general manager and did landscaping for a time to make ends meet. My aunt entered the real estate business to sell houses (ironic, isn't it). My mother works at the local dollar store to pay for her new rental.

So this is how an American family rises and falls. This is how fortune's wheel turns.

Well, how about you? Any of you experience the loss of a family business in this economy? How has it changed your life or the lives of your loved ones?

Fall Fun

My husband, Brian and I have been foster parents for nine crazy, awesome months. We welcomed Alexis (age 9) and Sadie (age 3) in January of this year.

This year has been full of firsts for them- their first individual birthday parties, Lex's first 'A' in school, Sadie's being potty trained, their first time sleeping in a bed alone, first time swimming, first time picking fruit from an orchard. This fall has its share of firsts as well- this past Saturday, the girls went to the pumpkin patch for the first time.

I decked them out in jeans and knitted ponchos made of the most beautiful fall reds, golds and oranges and then we headed out to the farm.

As I snapped picture after picture hoping to capture that one magic moment when the delight and excitment of the day suddenly dawned, the girls and Alex explored hedge after hedge of brightly colored mums, corn stalks, hay bales and pumpkins and gourds of every hue.

Then we started for the patch itself, about a half-mile down a muddy, wheel-rutted lane. When we reached the field, we were able to pick out a wheel-barrow to carry our pumpkins in, but, of course, our first 'load' was the kids themselves.

We each picked out a perfect little pumpkin and then waited and watched the other families while Brian went for the van.

Last stop of the morning was to the small store where the farm sells its organic frutis, veggies and foods for some yummy apple crisp.

As we left the farm, Alexis turned to me and said she'd had a great time. She had been enthusiastic about being out in nature, walking through the mud, swiping potato bugs away from a prospective pumpkin. I realized that she may never had this kind of experience living in Philadelphia. I thanked God for allowing this kind of beauty into Lex and Sadie's life and wondered how it might affect them in the future.

What butterfly effect- where a butterfly flaps its wings in Africa and a hurricane heads for the Flroida coast- would this kind of 'natural' experience have in their lives?

Infertility Joys and Griefs

So I guess this is how I'll introduce myself. In trying to think of something I could write lucidly about, my most recent bout with infertility came to mind.

To put an extremely complicated nut in a nutshell, I married in May of 2003 and began trying to conceive in October of that year. After 9 months, we became pregnant with Calan- who we then lost 8 weeks later. At that point, I began obsessively 'charting'; this is when a women become so completely self absorbed that she begins noting the texture of her cervical mucus and when her temperature rises a tenth of a degree. Of course, what else was I to do? My body wasn't working and maybe, just maybe, if I could become educated and aware enough, I could MAKE myself get pregnant (Oh, yeah- I guess I still needed my husband, right?)

So we took a trip to the Reproductive Endocronologist- or 'baby-makin' doc'. It was an awful experience. I sat naked on a table (well, I say naked because the gown was three sizes too small and I could barely keep it closed over my ample bosom) eyeing the vaginal ultrasound machine with suspicion. I realized that machine was the WILT CHAMBERLIN of ultrasound machines- it had to make the 'nether trip' at least 40 times a day.

To say the least, I was totally put off by the experinence. But the doctor- a cold, efficient woman who ignored most of what we had to say- did give us a script for Clomid. Clomid is- for some- the 'magic baby pill'. Legend says that if you take this pill, you will get pregnant if your husband just thinks of you. Doesn't even matter if he's three states away!

So we took the Clomid, got busy, and conceived our son, Anduril, in March of 2005. The hardest thing that's ever happened to me was losing him at 22 1/2 weeks (5 1/2 months) due to severe, early onset pre-ecclampsia. I gave birth to him. I bought tiny doll clothes to bury him in and washed them by hand with apple scented shampoo. I held his tiny casket and wept and then we buried him next to my husband's grandparents in the family graveyard. Then we turned to our faith and took some time to mourn.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain… Rev. 21:4

In January of the following year, we took another trip to a different RE. Emotionally, I was totally worn out, but I still wanted a baby of my own. After an encounter with another Wilt Chamberlin machine, the doctor said he thought we might conceive if we tried that night. "Yeah, riiiight" I thought to myself, but, since I would have danced under the full moon holding potatoes in my pocket if he said it would allow me to have a baby, we baby-danced that evening.

And conceived.

The pregnancy was not easy- physically, I endured injections to the stomach every day after week 12, weekly visits to my OB and monthly visits to the neonatalogist. Emotionally, I lurched between exhiliration and terror.

And then he was born. John-Brian Alexander- our sweet Alex- came into our lives one clear fall day in 2006. He's just turned two and is- gosh- everything you'd imagine he would be to me. My joy, my healing, my delight, my life. As bitter as the journey was, the reward is even sweeter.

So sweet, in fact that we're trying to conceive again. Risking the pain again because we know how sweet the joy is. When I try to remember how difficult it was for me to try and lose so many times, I wonder if I'm slightly brain-damaged. Who in her right mind would WANT to try again knowing what could happen? Oh, but then I think, who in her right mind wouldn't risk all for another child like Alex?